


Winter Soldier Gaston Parody

by karadin



Category: Beauty and the Beast (1991), Captain America, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Beauty and the Beast, Disney Parody, Gaston Being Gaston (Disney), Gen, Song Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-22 16:35:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21079916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karadin/pseuds/karadin





	Winter Soldier Gaston Parody

I saw this prompt on tumblr by softwintersoldier

** _Noooo oooone’s slick as James Barnes’, no one’s quick as James Barnes’ _ **

##  ** _NO ONE’S LEGS ARE INCREDIBLY THICK AS JAMES BARNES’_ **

[ ](https://karadin.tumblr.com/) [karadin](https://karadin.tumblr.com/post/188425517883/softwintersoldier-noooo-oooones-slick-as-james)

  
For there’s no man in town half as brainwashed  
Perfect, a pure automaton  
You can ask any Sam, Thor or Happy  
And they’ll tell you whose team they prefer to be on (Caps) 

No one’s sinned like James Barnes

An assassin like James Barnes

No one’s got a swell cleft in his chin like James Barnes  
_As a Fist of Hydra, I’m intimidating_  
My, what a guy, that James Barnes  
Wears five grenades Has twelve ammo clips  
James Barnes is the best and the rest are all twits 

No one fights like James Barnes  
Sets his sights like James Barnes  
In a pitched melee nobody struts like James Barnes  
There’s no one as menacing and sexy  
As you see he’s got duck faces to spare  
Just a bit of him’s Caps Old Pal Bucky  
_And you can see when its washed I have fabulous hair _

No one hits like James Barnes  
Wears eyeliner like James Barnes  
Fights in black bondage gear with buckles like James Barnes  
_I’m especially good at exsanguinating _  
Ten body bags for James Barnes

_When I was captured Zola gave me a drug_  
_Every morning to help me get large_  
_ And after seventy years of that same old drug_  
_ My thighs are the size of a barge_

No one shoots like James Barnes  
Has a robot arm like James Barnes  
And pulls steering wheels out of moving cars like James Barnes  
_I use explosions in all of my pitched street battles_  
  
Who’s an asset among men  
And then say it once more  
Who’s the agent of chaos next door  
Who’s a super serum success?  
Don’t you know? Can’t you guess?  
Ask his best bff Steven Grant Rogers  
There’s just one guy in town who’s got the Grumpy Cat frown   
And his name’s James Barnes!


End file.
